Well, this it the new title of an ongoing series of posts that I am creating solely for my own entertainment and possibly the entertainment and encouragement of others who might be in need.
Motherhood Moments of Mortification...Entry #1
Yesterday was my birthday. Somewhere during the day, my tired mother brain departed from reality and began to live in a fantasy world...an alternate reality where everything goes right for a day because...well, because its your birthday for Heaven's sake!
It was 5:00pm. I was in my bedroom. I had a nice, toasty fire going in the wood stove and the room was warm. Re-runs of Little House on the Prairie were on the TV. I was watching the snow softly drift down and had a feeling of excitement both for me and my children. It was warm, cozy and wonderful. I nice, cold Diet Coke was my only companion as I folded clothes and eyed the ironing pile. Now, in my altered state of thinking, I irrationally expected this utopia to continue. Thinking error #1.
From the next room, I heard my 2 boys laughing and wrestling around, making little boy sounds that seemed harmless. Thinking error #2. Suddenly I heard my oldest son yell in his most authoritative, evil bad-guy voice..."IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm sucking your BRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNNNS out!! Ha HA!" My mother brain thought.."Hmmm...wonder if I should check on that one?"
I tentatively left the utopia of my bedroom to find a horrifying scene. Bain, my youngest, sat on the floor, laughing hysterically while Brennan, my oldest stood poised over the top of him...sucking his brains out. Any guesses regarding the tool being used for this tedious task? (wait for it......) THE TOILET PLUNGER!!!!!
OH THE MORTIFICATION!!! SICK! NASTY! Wrong for so many reasons!!
(sigh..) I quietly returned to my shattered shards of utopia, took a long sip of my Diet Coke, gathered my wits, paused my show for later that night (after all, they've been playing with it for several minutes...what's a few more seconds?) and proceeded to the living room to confiscate the plunger when I heard myself say, "Brennan, take the toilet plunger off your brother's head. NOW." (No one should ever have to say that sentence!!) Then I launched into an exhausting speech about germs and why we TRY to avoid them. Then, I reminded myself to remain in reality and survive until my husband returned from work.
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4 comments:
I've been warning you about Aspartame for a long time now!
This literally had me laughing out loud, so much that I had to tell Jeremy the story too. :) And secretly I'm glad it was you and hope it won't ever be me coming out of my room to Kaden sucking Kindi's brains out with a toilet plunger.
This is hilarious, Wendy :( I'm sorry though. Hehehe.
I laughed so hard. Thanks for sharing. I especially liked the part where you took a deep breath and went back to getting a sip of your coke! : )
I had a incident where Karmin came yelling to me during rest time that there was a flood in the upstairs bathroom. I didn't really believe her but it was true!
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