A comment from Bain..Christmas 2011

Well, Bain had a fun night last night. We had our annual family Christmas party which involves most of our family at our house for a big dinner...about 45 people. Bain was in heaven...too many people, too many conversations, too many things going on for Mom to keep track of how much fudge I'm sneaking. So after most of the family had left Bain decided to sample some of the spiced cider.."Why not," he thought "I've tried everything else tonight, including coffee." He realized it was way too hot and quickly spit it out all over his hands and cup etc.. He stood there with a look of surprise and then licked his hands and cup. (Because he HATES to be sticky. Not sure why he cares. He doesn't seem to mind being dirty.) After licking his hands, he looks down and realizes he'd spilled on his pants also and then looks up and loudly says.."OH NO! Now I'm gonna have to lick my underwear!" Sigh...only Bain.

Motherhood Moment of Mortification....2

Well, another post to the ever-increasing list of hilarious/scary/gross/weird things my children do. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one on the planet with children like this, but then I remember..I've seen some pretty unstable moms who seem to be teetering on the edge of insanity so, I reassure myself, there must be others!

Ahh...Bain. Where to even begin? This is the kid who ran stark naked from the locker room and jumped naked, yes NAKED, into the deep end of the Lebanon pool. Did he hesitate for even a second or slow down to look and see if anyone would catch his naked butt? NO.

So...We're at my friend Julie's house. I'm in the house visiting and the boys are out playing with Julie's son Riley. They're throwing balls, playing with the dog, running around the yard. I'm watching from the window. I walk over to the sink to get a drink of water, momentarily leaving my post at the window. And...of course...it happens. Bain has to relieve himself. Now, important to note, this child has been potty trained for a YEAR. Yep, a YEAR. He knows the drill. But, this is Bain. Anyway, I'm happily slurping down a glass of cool water when my friend laughs and says, "You better get over here and look at your son." Sighing, I walk over to the window. There he is, my adorable red-head, standing, peeing a nice, big, manly rainbow of pee. He's standing on Julie's picnic table. MORTIFICATION! It's her picnic TABLE!! The one she found at a garage sale and lovingly sanded and painted. The table she LOVES.
So, after apologizing to my friend, who I don't even think heard me over her own hysterical laughter, I marched outside to deal with the situation. Ya know, the mom-walk. The quick paced, stomping march that says, "you've got some explaining to do and even that probably won't save you." He saw me coming and quickly hiked up his tiny drawers and hopped off the table. As a side note, he didn't avoid stepping on the place where he had just peed. Of course not!
When asked to go inside and apologize to Julie for peeing on her table he said..with his little boy dirty palms turned up and that questioning, defensive look on his face...exactly these words.."But MOM!! I DIDN'T pee on the table!! I peed OFF the table. There are NO drips!" I wanted to explain to him that the "drips" aren't really the concern here, but decided to wait for a better time. Sigh.. Gross. I still made him apologize and then I quietly packed the precious little child into my car and took him home, while trying not to notice the smirks I could see Julie holding back. Ahh...Bain.

Motherhood Moments of Mortification 1

Well, this it the new title of an ongoing series of posts that I am creating solely for my own entertainment and possibly the entertainment and encouragement of others who might be in need.

Motherhood Moments of Mortification...Entry #1

Yesterday was my birthday. Somewhere during the day, my tired mother brain departed from reality and began to live in a fantasy world...an alternate reality where everything goes right for a day because...well, because its your birthday for Heaven's sake!

It was 5:00pm. I was in my bedroom. I had a nice, toasty fire going in the wood stove and the room was warm. Re-runs of Little House on the Prairie were on the TV. I was watching the snow softly drift down and had a feeling of excitement both for me and my children. It was warm, cozy and wonderful. I nice, cold Diet Coke was my only companion as I folded clothes and eyed the ironing pile. Now, in my altered state of thinking, I irrationally expected this utopia to continue. Thinking error #1.
From the next room, I heard my 2 boys laughing and wrestling around, making little boy sounds that seemed harmless. Thinking error #2. Suddenly I heard my oldest son yell in his most authoritative, evil bad-guy voice..."IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm sucking your BRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNNNS out!! Ha HA!" My mother brain thought.."Hmmm...wonder if I should check on that one?"

I tentatively left the utopia of my bedroom to find a horrifying scene. Bain, my youngest, sat on the floor, laughing hysterically while Brennan, my oldest stood poised over the top of him...sucking his brains out. Any guesses regarding the tool being used for this tedious task? (wait for it......) THE TOILET PLUNGER!!!!!

OH THE MORTIFICATION!!! SICK! NASTY! Wrong for so many reasons!!

(sigh..) I quietly returned to my shattered shards of utopia, took a long sip of my Diet Coke, gathered my wits, paused my show for later that night (after all, they've been playing with it for several minutes...what's a few more seconds?) and proceeded to the living room to confiscate the plunger when I heard myself say, "Brennan, take the toilet plunger off your brother's head. NOW." (No one should ever have to say that sentence!!) Then I launched into an exhausting speech about germs and why we TRY to avoid them. Then, I reminded myself to remain in reality and survive until my husband returned from work.

Good Burger

This is a mixture to mix in your ground beef for really good hamburgers and I mean REALLY good.

1 lb. ground beef
1/2 sm yellow onion
6 tbsp. brown sugar
1 tsp. Cajun seasoning
1 tsp. garlic powder
2 Tbsp. A1 or BBQ sauce or Worcestershire
1/4 cup Italian bread crumbs

Mix all together, mold into patties and freeze for up to 3 months. Thaw ahead of time and have a quick BBQ on a summer night. We like to BBQ them with some BBQ sauce and cheddar to finish the top. Throw out baked beans or corn on the cob, a simple salad or baked french fries and you're good to go. Yum.

Chicken Enchiladas

Filling:
1 1/2 pound chicken, cooked
1 med. onion
1 cup sour cream
1 1/2 cup cheddar cheese shredded
1 tsp. salt
pepper to taste

Sauce:
15 oz. tomato sauce
2/3 cup water
1/3 cup green pepper, chopped
1 Tbsp Chili Powder
1/4 Tbsp ground cumin
Garlic Salt to taste
1 sm. can green chilies

Mix all sauce ingredients together and simmer for 5 min. or so.

8-10 Tortillas

*pour some of your sauce in the bottom of a 9x13 pan.
*dip tortillas in sauce
*fill with the chicken mixture
*roll up and place in the bottom of the pan
*pour the remainder of your sauce on top of enchiladas after placing them all in your pan.
*put extra cheese on top if you desire.

Freeze at this point for up to 3 months.

Bake frozen enchiladas at 350 for about 1 1/2 hours.
HINT: Do not thaw frozen enchiladas and then bake. They will be really soggy and gross. :)

Yummy Beef Stew

No particular measurements are needed, you just judge according to the size of your crock pot. You make as much or little as you want. OF course the less you make the less time you need to cook it.

1 layer of chopped carrots

1 layer of potatoes

1 layer of cut green beans (frozen or fresh)

1 layer of beef stew cubes (about 1 lb. should do)

1 can cream of mushroom soup (do not add water)

1 can tomato soup (do not add water)

1 clove crushed garlic

1/2 soup can of water

DO NOT STIR. Just layer all the ingredients in the order listed and pour the water over the top. Cook on low all day (8ish hours). We like to dip fresh buttered bread in the gravy of this stew. It's really thick. Sounds weird, but my kids LOVE it.

Forgotten Minestrone Soup

1 lb. stew meat
6 cups water
28 oz. can of tomatoes
1 beef bullion cube
1 med. onion (optional..could use a few sprinkles of dried)
2 tbsp. minced dried parsley
1 1/2 tsp. salt
1 1/2 tsp. thyme
1/2 tsp. pepper
1 med. zucchini
2 cups cabbage (optional..I leave it out)
1 16 oz. can garbanzo beans (I leave these out too)
1 cup elbow macaroni (or other pasta)
1/4 cup grated parmesan

Combine all ingredients down to pepper and cook in crock pot on low 7-9 hrs. Stir in the rest of ingredients and cook on high 30- 45 more min. (if you are in a hurry, boil the rest of the stuff in a pot on the stove until pasta is tender then drain and add to soup..this will only take about 15 min). I garnish the bowls with a generous amount of fresh grated parmesan..that I buy shredded in the bag. It sounds like a gross recipe, but my kids love it. It's got a good blend of spices and tastes very Italian.
HINTS: Stew meat does not have to be thawed, fresh tomatoes out of your garden will work in the summer.