I'm Gonna Have to Write a Book...

I'll title it "Things I Wish My Mother Would've Told Me"....or somthing to that effect. Included in this list of priceless gems would be: Never attempt to fry jalepenos, never put an onion through a salad shooter, if you go to a generous friend's house to pick tomatoes from her garden...don't pile them all into a paper or plastic bag and then leave them sit for 2 days in your garage, meaning to can them as soon as the weekend is over...they can't breath in there and will all rot...yes, in only two days. Then, dear daughter, don't attempt to pick up the bag, lest you have rotten, smelly, gooey tomatoes all over your floor, clothes and bare feet. You'll be so sad, dear daugher...don't do this. Yes...I wish my mother could have imparted this wisdom to me! I wish she would have told me that...Someday, dear daughter, you may have a young child who forgets to flush the toilet and in a moment distractedness, you'll miss your young, toddler 15 month old wander into the bathroom and sample small chocolates from the TOILET!! Don't panic, dear daughter, and call poison control and ask in a shreaking, high pitched voice if you should wipe out the baby's mouth with lysol wipes. This will cause the poison control person to shout "NO! Do Not put lysol in the baby's mouth!" And the posion control person will think there is a half witted, out of control, idiot woman somewhere trying to mother 3 helpless children. Remain calm, dear daugher, and all will be well. Yes...I'll have to write a book. More on this later...there's many more pearls of wisdom I wish I could've had...