Motherhood Moment of Mortification....2

Well, another post to the ever-increasing list of hilarious/scary/gross/weird things my children do. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one on the planet with children like this, but then I remember..I've seen some pretty unstable moms who seem to be teetering on the edge of insanity so, I reassure myself, there must be others!

Ahh...Bain. Where to even begin? This is the kid who ran stark naked from the locker room and jumped naked, yes NAKED, into the deep end of the Lebanon pool. Did he hesitate for even a second or slow down to look and see if anyone would catch his naked butt? NO.

So...We're at my friend Julie's house. I'm in the house visiting and the boys are out playing with Julie's son Riley. They're throwing balls, playing with the dog, running around the yard. I'm watching from the window. I walk over to the sink to get a drink of water, momentarily leaving my post at the window. And...of course...it happens. Bain has to relieve himself. Now, important to note, this child has been potty trained for a YEAR. Yep, a YEAR. He knows the drill. But, this is Bain. Anyway, I'm happily slurping down a glass of cool water when my friend laughs and says, "You better get over here and look at your son." Sighing, I walk over to the window. There he is, my adorable red-head, standing, peeing a nice, big, manly rainbow of pee. He's standing on Julie's picnic table. MORTIFICATION! It's her picnic TABLE!! The one she found at a garage sale and lovingly sanded and painted. The table she LOVES.
So, after apologizing to my friend, who I don't even think heard me over her own hysterical laughter, I marched outside to deal with the situation. Ya know, the mom-walk. The quick paced, stomping march that says, "you've got some explaining to do and even that probably won't save you." He saw me coming and quickly hiked up his tiny drawers and hopped off the table. As a side note, he didn't avoid stepping on the place where he had just peed. Of course not!
When asked to go inside and apologize to Julie for peeing on her table he said..with his little boy dirty palms turned up and that questioning, defensive look on his face...exactly these words.."But MOM!! I DIDN'T pee on the table!! I peed OFF the table. There are NO drips!" I wanted to explain to him that the "drips" aren't really the concern here, but decided to wait for a better time. Sigh.. Gross. I still made him apologize and then I quietly packed the precious little child into my car and took him home, while trying not to notice the smirks I could see Julie holding back. Ahh...Bain.